oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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