every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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