I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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