I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
