i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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