Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
