Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
