if i can run in heels then i can drive
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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