Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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