Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
