i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
