...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Panties = found
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