So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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