Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
