I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
