just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
