Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
