I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
