Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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