One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
