Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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