I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
