I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
