There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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