There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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