is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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