I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
