it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
