You're my little dorito
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
