Screwed.edu
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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