"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
