Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
