oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
