I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
