Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
