We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
