maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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