She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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