I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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