I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
