hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
