My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
