Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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