The best revenge is premature balding
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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