I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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