The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
