No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I look better un-naked...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
