I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
