Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
