I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
