Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
