bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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