Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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